Wednesday, May 4, 2011

The 2011 Bin Laden Status Update Awards

It didn't take long for word to get out that America's Most Wanted #1 had been killed. I was sitting at Starbucks struggling through a statistics exam (shouldn't have worked so hard because I got a C on it anyway) when all of the sudden I recieved 15 text messages in a row. Most of my friends know that I don't have cable or internet at the house, so they wanted to make sure that I got to a TV.

I appreciated their concern but I was a bit skeptical and I was in the statistics zone. I logged on to NBC and waited for the announcement. Obviously, there was not going to be any statistics work done for the next couple hours, so I decided to do what all good Americans do when they have spare time - FACEBOOK!

I know, I know, you probably don't get on Facebook that much, or you are thinking about deleting your page becasue it is stupid, or you still prefer Myspace or Friendster.... but the rest of the loyal citizens of America are trained to go to the internet at all times.

Facebook gave me just the entertainment I was seeking: 1/4 political, 1/4 cynical, 1/4 comical, and 1/4 disrespectful. All the drama that you watch The Bachelor can be found at any time on Zuckerberg's great cultural revolution.

Most of the truly ridiculous stuff was said after President Obama's speech, but there was some classical material offered up for those of us congregating in the virtual public sphere before.

So in light of this momentous occassion in American history,
WhatUpWally? would like to presnt to you (insert suspenseful sound clip) the:

2011 Bin Laden
Facebook Status Update Awards!
Pre-Obama Announcement Edition

Best Post Award
Isaiah McGee    Bin laden dead... Will he still come out with tapes every year like Tupac

The First to Post Award:
Julie Whitaker    Obama just announced he's going to address the nation on all networks around 10:30pm ET. What's so important it couldn't wait until Monday morning?·

Second Best Post Award
Ryan         I need dick Cheney to tell me what to fear next.

David        I just turned on Fox News and they are bonging beers

Most Tastless
David    Gang bang at Osama's house. I hear there's gonna be 32 virgins.

Chris     Wait. Obama was killed?!
Landon     Let's hit the streets like all those crazies did when 9/11/2001 happened! The thought of
                 those people celebrating the towers falling makes me sick!

Just plain Dumb
Andrew          thank you george w. bush for doing your job and thank you barack obama for announcing it.    

Best Historical Political Victory Question
Jennifer     Do u think he'll pull out "mission accomplished?" lol32 minutes ago · Like    

Can We please get rid of Charlie Sheen Award
Tiffany     America is WINNING!!! God bless our troops.

Best Spelling
Amber    osama is ded

Most Jersey Shore-ish
Sean    Suck it Bin Laden!

Michael    See ya bitch!!!!!

Robbie     America. Fuck yeah
Greg        America, f yeah
Katy Trail Ice House    Can we have a "Bin Laden Takes Hot Lead To The Head Party" tomorrow? I think we can! Stay tuned!
lan         Drones are bada$$!
April     Time to drink Sunday fundayOsama's dead woo hoo !!!
Liz         Is it wrong that I can't help thinking the Bin Laden coverage would make for a great drinking game?

Drink 5 every time they say Osama!

Funniest Pop-Culture Meets Political Moment Comment
Melissa     Usama Bin Laden is dead...funny the announcement interrupted Trumps Apprentice...payback?  Lol    
Most Pragmatic
Brandi    Great. So does that mean I'll wake up to less than $3.00/ gallon gas in the morning? #not2makethisaboutme #ijs
Taylor     So if Osama Bin Laden is dead does that mean we can leave Afghanistan?

The My Religion is Better than Yours Award

Lauren    God is good. Fuck you Bin Laden!!! Rest in Hell

Brandi             God bless our troops.

Tra        Bin laden is dead! God bless America!

Kristan    wow
Logan    wishes people would think about what may happen now·

The Classic OMG Response
Ashley    OMG! We got Bin Laden...! Actually interested in this special report!
Amanda     Oh happy day!!!!! Bin Laden is dead!!!!

The I Dont Trust Obama Response
Taylor    Could it be true...? I need proofObama

Meredith    In one week Obama has proven his birth and Osama's death. Interesting.
Blaine     Obama birth certificate questions???? Osama dead!!! Although he's been dead for 10 years, GREAT time to release the statement Barrack... Lets see how the polls look tomorrow. Ignorance
  1. Blaine HHAHAHAHAH also Geraldo just said "OBAMA IS DEAD" on live tv. HAHAHAHHA
  2. Kaye  ♥ Geraldo    
  3. Blaine  Campaign tool...
  4. Karen  You're a dipshit.
  5. Blaine Oh Karen. You poor thing.    
  6. Aaron  Did you noticed that the announcement on tv happened to be right when The Donald was about to fire someone? Like the last 10 min of apprentice. trump is gonna dislike Obama even more now! : )    
Facebook is the News
Courtney     ‎"Are you watching live tv? No, but Facebook just told me Osama is dead"

The Typical Fox New Audience Response
Andrew     Osama is DEAD - everyone tune in to CNN

Andrew  sorry just flipped the tv on and that was the closest channel - FOX news everyone FOX news    
Andrew  president will speak at 10:15ish....shouldn't George Bush give this address?    

The – And Now I'm Going to Prove How Patriotic I am Award
James     See ya Bin Laden! USA! USA!24 minutes ago · Like · 
Jason     I love America.

Jeff         USA! USA! USA!18 minutes ago · Like · 
Andrew     USA ALL THE WAY!!! Don't mess with us #goodbyebinladen #Godblessamerica
Ashley     It's a great day in the USA!!!!

Allison     Wow...yet another reason why I love our military!!!


Coming Up Next:
The Post-Obama Announcement Awards | And Trust Me...It Gets Better,


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